I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
