I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
