we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
