I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I need to stop coming to work sober
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
