we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
