Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
