My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
