It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he thought i was a dude.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize