This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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