Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
