so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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