I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
smell my finger.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
