Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize