she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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