My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
