If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
