mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
