Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
