The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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