Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
