brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize