i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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