I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
