yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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