WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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