At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have post one night stand depression
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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