this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize