the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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