I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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