Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
