she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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