I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My feet surprised me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
