he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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