She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
