Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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