you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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