just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
