Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
