Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize