you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Vodka?
Forever.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
