DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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