Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
