I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
