Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
