Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
