dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize