before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
