I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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