if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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