bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
