hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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