This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
