Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
