sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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