he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
