have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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