cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
