she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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