He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
