i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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