mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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