guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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