I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
