We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
