forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
