I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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