Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
