Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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