If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
