Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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