Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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