And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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